The actress Kathy Najimy wrote on her own weight loss how the different attention she received post-weight loss was stunning. She asked a wonderfully grudging question to the men who suddenly seemed to see her as a person once the weight was gone: "Would I have beguiled you so about a hundred pounds ago?" And I think we all know the answer to that one.
And that is the original kathy najimy weight loss tips
Thank you. I'm Kathy, It is truly an honor to be here with you. I have to say that I was hesitant to start off by saying 'its an honor to be here with you' We have all heard a million speeches and they always start off with : 'It is an honor to be here.' Always. Right' Doesn't matter where they are speaking or what they are speaking about. 'Its an honor to be here at the Weehawken Sewage Convention.' 'Ladies and Gentlemen It is a Honor to be here with you all at the Leavenworth Maximum Security Prison Ball.' Doesn't matter.. its always an honor...isn't it' So based solely on the fact that an organization like EDIN even exists. And that you all are here. And that this life and death problem of eating disorders is always complained about, recognized, ignored, dismissed, advocated and encouraged but very very rarely dealt with. everyone talks about it... Nobody DOES anything. And I mean dealt with, with the same life and death urgency as the disease itself. But EDIN is attacking it head on and you are here to support it and So even though I hesitate to use the overused phrase...I have to say it. For real. From my heart 'Hello, I'm Kathy, IT IS AN HONOR TO BE HERE WITH YOU.
You know I am notorious for not having a great memory. I drink so much diet coke that I am sure the nutra sweet has fried my brain cells.. and especially now with new diet coke with lemon, c'mon people what could be better' Right' Anywho, what was I talking about' Oh right, I was saying I don't have a great memory, see? But I will never, ever forget this scene. When I was in the 3rd grade, the school nurse came into my classroom and in front of the whole class, called out three of our names to follow her into her office. We all stood up (clearly the largest kids in class) and paraded behind her, red with embarrassment and confusion. When we got to her office, she made us get on the scale and told us we were all too fat. We were put on a diet immediately. At the time... I weighed 76 pounds. I was 8 years old, I weighed 76 pounds and I was put on a diet. At 8. And that was the beginning. From that moment on I started a crazy cycle of dieting, weight loss and weight gain that had little to do with who I was, and everything to do with what others thought I should be. It was shortly after that that I started to realize that there was a difference in the way boys were supposed to be... fun, loud, adventurous, smart, curious, successful, and vital, and a way girls were supposed to be. Thin and pretty. But mostly thin.
In fact another surprising memory was playing with my best friend Cheryl Gaulin and we were in the middle of some great adventure... and I'll never forget it a boy walked in the room and I watched dumbfounded as Cheryl morphed, like something out of Kafka....morphed from my bright, funny friend into this freaky unexplainable Thing. When he came in, her voice got all slurred and babyish high, her eyes looked down, she started batting her lashes, she turned out her foot, and she sucked her stomach and started giggling. I though she was having a seizure, I almost called the paramedics. (Or maybe the my friend the school Nurse. Who probably would have just scooped her up and put her on the scale.) So, it became really clear to me that there were A lot of cool ways boys could be... but only one acceptable way for girls to be. Thin, pretty, desirable to boys. And here is where it begins for girls. Being noticed. And all eyes are not on her life but on her thighs. And a boys approval or a fathers approval or a teachers approval overshadows everything and all else she has to offer the world pales... actually even disappears in the glare of the fashion magazines and the billboards and the music video girls and the gaunt TV stars and the ultimate achievement, thinness at all costs. AND all of us here tonight know what the costs are. Balance, self esteem, self worth, health and even life.
A couple of months ago I was in a swanky NY hair salon and the stylist who was doing my hair asked her 6 year old daughter what she wanted for lunch and the girl, the 6 year old screamed across the salon...'A SALAD... JUST A SALAD... I DO NOT WANT TO GET FAT'! And I sat there with foil in my hair and I started to cry. Because that girl is not rare. This isn't some girl from a documentary on America Undercover. No, she is more and more becoming the norm.
She represents the thousands of girls who will spend their childhood's on diets instead of experiments, on scrutiny instead of the solar system, on exercise instead of sports, on obsession instead of love, on anxiety instead of peace and on calories instead of soul.
I have a 5 year old daughter, And that is why when Dina (executive director of EDIN) came to LA, and told me about the incredible, proactive, fearless, work that EDIN is doing for girls and boys ... and asked me to come speak... my daughter is one of the reasons I say YES.
I get asked a lot about "Women in Hollywood" and what the obstacles have been for me. It's true ... Hollywood wasn't created for women like me. Let's face it, I'm no Heather Locklear. But, I've been lucky. I've never been offered a role where there was a specific physical description of the character in the script. It was always the funny nun or the crazy witch or the bipolar therapist or in one lucky case: Sharon Stones' Gynecologist. What a treat! No, I mean it!
My strong feminist opinions might have held me back, but the way I looked was never a really an obstacle. Because of two things: It wasn't a problem because I never had the challenge of being considered for ingenue roles. They were never interesting to me...but nonetheless...I didn't have to contend with that because I wasn't in the running. And 2, I think it had something to do with how I moved through the world. I found a way to fit by not pretending to be something I wasn't. Although I feel like being overweight is the last acceptable prejudice and even though there is not a day that goes by that I am not aware that I am not 'how I am supposed to be,' I am blessed that I don't feel like my weight is my value, my importance. And I never realized it, but through letters of thanks and support that I have received ... and through unexplainable modeling stints and fashion layouts...I have been an example of a different kind of beauty and I am happy to be!
So, even though I was never directly pressured, I was still acutely aware of how it affected the women around me. Especially in TV. Although the rigid, standard of size exists in stage and Film... Nowhere is it so dangerous as in the world of TV. Women are unceasingly pressured both subtly and blatantly to be one dangerously unattainable size.
I was recently at a big fat fancy Hollywood wedding and a prominent TV director came up and asked how a mutual actress friend was. I said. 'She is fine..actually she is great!' And he said 'OH did she lose weight'' and I said NO, as far a I know she didn't but what does it matter she is one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood and probably the world and also a fantastic person and incredibly talented. And he said... 'TV's demographic is 19 year old boys and they want someone funny and that they want to fuck and if she lost 15 pounds she would be perfect for them.
I said..'Look I really don't agree with your philosophy, but even if that were true for TV, she is not 107 pounds and she is beautiful. And as long as you know that if you continue to cast only Barbies or continue to pressure actresses into becoming Barbies ... you are contributing to the eating disorders of 11 year old girls ... as long as you know that.... Then I am going to let you leave this conversation. Your decisions affect every woman who has a television. So as long as you know you are directly responsible for the loss of our girls and women, walk away. Needless to say I won't be ending up in his next Must See TV.
After that encounter I decided to try and bring some light to the situation. I have met with and talked to several women of TV and Film ... of all persuasions and sizes, women who have just had enough, and we are developing an organization called Broad Spectrum. Hopefully we will have many facets but our main goal will be to enlighten, educate and encourage the casting of 'normal' sized women and point out the editors, casting directors, studios, producers, directors and even wardrobe people...who constantly praise actresses for being a size 0 and who threaten and shame others into chain smoking, workout addicted, starving, eating disorder suicides. We will also give a lot of great publicity, support and spotlight those involved in projects who choose to use women that look like women ... and believe it or not, with the stars we have on board, they have already started to respond.
Look I understand why women on TV are wasting away. It isn't their fault. They are given virtually no power over scripts, storylines or casting, but given tons of responsibility (Are the ratings slipping' Is your show appealing to the 15-25 year old male demographic') A lot of blame and but very little power and control. As a result, the only thing they DO have control over is their weight. Thus we have very talented, very smart, wonderful women on the road to a very scary silhouette. And these women become role models to our daughters.
Hollywood isn't special. It's just a concentrated version of what the rest of society does to women and girls. Keeps us off balance and out of control by constantly making us doubt ourselves. And as we succumb our lives pass us by. And I suggest that this is not an accident. I suggest that there has been created a standard and an unattainable quest that not only keeps women off the task of running their lives and perhaps running the world, but in that quest, leads them towards sickness and self hate and literally loss of life. We are consumed with being 'HOW WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.' Even the women I met in TV who were pressured into unnatural thinness are criticized and ridiculed and made to feel that THEY are not right... 'how dare they have an eating disorder and why are you so thin'' And so at 80 pounds they are still not how they are supposed to be. I have said it before, if fact I said it on 20/20, I am not looking forward to the day that we are watching TV and see one of our actresses drop down right in front of us. And I pray it doesn't come to that.
I resent every minute that every woman, in every profession has spent agonizing over trying to be something she is not. Something that means absolutely nothing. I move we don't waste another minute, That that we celebrate our girls and tell them that they are beautiful at all sizes and MEAN it, and more importantly that we teach our boys to cherish and value girls and women for their souls and their minds and their humor and their glorious beautiful miraculous bodies at all sizes. And of course we have the challenge of believing, truly believing that about ourselves don't we' So that our kids have a chance. This isn't easy but with organizations like EDIN we can begin the healing of ourselves and everything around us.
I move that we take back our lives.. enjoy our lives and LIVE our lives....as healthy, vibrant, vital women and men who live comfortably in our bodies.
You know I am not one to quote quotables in my speeches you know... Thoreau once said or Charro once said... But Gloria Steinem once said to me 'Everything you do matters, a butterflies wings changes the whether' Although my husband misread it as 'Everything you do matters a butterflies urine changes the water.' Same kinda message. Everything you do matters, and tonight your support of EDIN matters more than you know. Thank you Atlanta, Thank you EDIN, Thank you Dina and Paula and thank you all for being here. You should be very proud. Thank you for inviting me. It is an HONOR to be here.
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